vintage: children with dolls

Image by deflam via Flickr

 I am feeling like I am at a bit of a crossroads right now!  My children are  growing up;  OOPS!  Have grown up!  I am not coping very well with the idea that my youngest is 17 and, like her two older brothers, is making her own way, and therefore making her own decisions.  Hanging out with her own friends, going out late (basically just being a teenager, exploring the world). We have all done it at different times in history; I guess we I look back at our  my mistakes and hope that they don’t make the same ones, or create unnecessary problems for themselves.  I know assume that I know that making mistakes means learning and growing, yet can also lead to pain, (is that where the saying ‘Growing Pains’ comes from)?

I should be feeling free (HOORAY!  They are all growing up, and will someday leave the nest)!  Nevertheless, I have still not yet embraced this feeling of liberation or happiness, which many have expressed to me in their journeys of ‘LETTING GO, AND LETTING GROW’!  I am feeling as though something might be wrong with me.  I need to be shaken awake, or snapped back into a reality I do not wish to be awakened to.  Our children are wonderful human beings; very polite, they have not deviated into impropriety; they are lovely!  I should be grateful for this…. yet, where is my happiness?  It has been lying dormant; sleeping for so long, that it is grudgingly raising its head from a somewhat comfortable pillow of ambiguity and disapproval.

I do remember my Mother in-law expressing her dismay at the fact that …. “No matter how old your children are (4 or 40); a Mother will always worry about them”.  It sounded a little bizarre to me at the time, yet now it makes all the sense in the world! (Who would have known? Even as
adults, we often still do not heed the wise words of our elders).  I guess I am still growing myself; it seems to be a lifelong journey, and I expect that I should be allowing my flock to slowly, yet certainly leave the fold and grow.  I must love, be gracious, supportive, positive and always be there for them, no matter what decisions are made (even if my perception of a particular decision may not be aligned to theirs).